cars,  stuff,  Watches

Fake Alligator’s 2018 Shopping Guide

The holiday season is upon us.  Time to buy a whole bunch of stuff for your friends and family without any clue if they’ll like it or not.  If thay already have it or not.  Or buy stuff for people you, frankly, don’t really like.  (Anything made by David Wellington, Tiffany, or  Hermes (ties excluded).)  I know what you’re thinking… Who the hell are you to write a guide on what to buy people, you’re such a curmudgeon, you only like 3 watch brands, 2 car manufacturers and 2 clothing brands.  I say you’re right so let’s just say I’m doing this out of social obligation for those who really have no clue, ok?  For the record…  Patek Phillips, Nomos, and Lange.  Lamborghini and Porsche.  And Champion and Uniqlo.  BUSTED.

For this guide, as you might have guess already, there are three main groups of gifts, watches, cars and clothes(other).  I thought about having a special belts section, but who the hell cares about belts.  Unless they have a giant Gucci or Hermes buckle.  I wear a belt I made two years ago.  With one buckle hole it because I made it… FOR ME.  I’ll make you one for $7,000. (A steal!)  Try calling up Mr. Hermes and asking for that.


Limited to 19,999
Limited to 1,999

Let’s start cheap.  There’s a collaboration with Damien Hirst Swatch announced last week.  It’s cheap enough, $185 and $125 for the silver dial reference.  Is reference even an appropriate descriptor for Swatch?  One of them is “limited” and the other not so much.  Pick up one for you friends and/or your enemies.  UPDATE: Both are sold out.  To eBay it is!

Next I’d recommend the Nomos Orion Neomatik 41 Date Olive Gold.  More info here.  The olive dial, the yellow gold hands, and it’s a NOMOS!  Hype from Glashütte, Germany.    Nomos retailers here.

The Nomos reference 364

Finally in watches, anything from Mr. Porter, after you sort by High-to-Low. Like this.  Enjoy purchasing any of these fine references by brands we all know and love, such as Roger Dubuis, Vacheron Constantine, and Ressence.

$275K, $152K, $120K
Something for the lower-end of the high-end gift budget.


Quick! Buy-it-now: Paul Newman’s 1979 Datsun 280ZX.  There’s a plethora of Newman cars, but this one won a championship. has this Newman racecar available for offer.  I’d take it to Goodwood and see how it fares.

Look at those wheels!
Hope they accept my offer!

Red 1979 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am.  Oh hi Bandit.  Red Bandit.  A rebuild 455 V8.  I don’t really care about the details of this car.  I just want to drive it. Over a bridge that’s washed out that crosses a small river. Buy it here.  $ 27,995

They call him the Bandit…

And finally a Porsche 959.  The ultimate Supercar from the 80s.  The first one.  Electronic everything, it really broke the mold.  Unlimited budget for development, check, amazing styling, check, inline spoiler, check!  Sotheby’s is auctioning it December 8.   Hell they have 27 Porsche 959s for sale, just find the color you like and buy it!  Pricing starts at $260,00.


Anyone who reads this site knows I really have it out for Tiffany.  REALLY.  In this year’s installment of   “well…ok….”  we have Tiffany’s Sterling Silver Paper Plate from their Everyday Objects collection.  “Tiffany artisans transform utilitarian items into handcrafted works of art. Reimagined in sterling silver, this plate is infused with modern wit.”   Modern wit indeed. Purchase here for $1,000.00.    Honestly, if someone gave me this I’d love it.  I’d use it to hold keys, wine openers, spent 9mm shell casings, etc.  But please, dear readers, don’t buy this.

Peanuts x Champion by Todd Snyder collection.  NY Store/Brand Todd Snyder has put out the best Champion collaborations yet.  Great colorways and better logo branding than the typical Urban Outfitters Champion collabs.  While they are refreshingly expensive, they’re worth it for clothing you could still be wearing in 2028. Buy here.

I’d wear this, proudly.

All great gift.  For everyone you know.

Jordan 3 Retro Chlorophyll.  Just buy these.  Classic Jordan 3 design and great new colorway.   Get these on starting at $134. prices fluctuate based on demand and shoe size.

Elephant heel, green eyelets, so planty…

Honorable mentions: David Hockney Paintings,  Yeezy Boatrunners, anything made by Diageo brands, anything Vans or Off-White,  anything Mickey Mouse, and last but not least, anything retailed by Wempe. 

Happy Shopping! 

In full disclosure, I was paid by Patek, Rolex, Ferrari and Nike for this post.  Cheerio!

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